the smell of books

I almost cried in a bookstore the other day.  

There’s something about the familiarity of a bookstore that brings about a certain sense of sad nostalgia.  I can’t completely define it, but it has something to do with the concept of thousands of unique stories packed neatly side-by-side just waiting to captivate a reader.  And the consistent and comforting smell of paper.  I used to get laughed at when I was younger for smelling books.   

I know that my emotions were encouraged by additional factors, however.  The moping of teenagers as their mom anxiously pulls them across a crowded street, a laughing family eating hungrily after a long hike, a group of kids exhaustedly sprawled out on the village green - these are all familiar sights from my own family vacations.  I’m homesick. Not horribly, but I feel a twinge inside every time I see all the carefree tourists walking around town or on a family hike.  It makes me wish I was on a family vacation so badly, and oh, how I did not appreciate them as much as I should have as a kid!  I miss my family and I miss going home to San Diego after school.  I definitely don’t miss my usual job and I am completely content with my decision not to spend the summer there, but I do miss the city.  It always feels like a breath of fresh air after being in LA for so long.  I think the reason I feel this way is because there is such a difference between traveling and relocating.  Relocating actually requires adjustment.  I adapt fairly quickly, and I am so now, but I don’t think I fully was that day in the bookstore.  I think it’s more of an adjustment due to having practically no personal space in a dorm, as opposed to having my own room in an apartment or something.  Having my own room last year at school may have spoiled me a bit too much.  

Today, I was driving around the island and felt so blessed to have the opportunity to live in the most beautiful place that I have ever been to and to work a job that I truly enjoy and learn from.  I love all the things there are to do here and all the people I have met.  But I still miss the comforts of home.  I wish I had more time to spend there before I start school again, but I know I’ll also be happy just to be back in southern California in general.