Current Emotions
2/221510:30am - I am broken
3:30pm - I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!!!
3:31pm - Screw studying HACCP and run away to Iceland!!!!
2/23/15
1:00pm - Do you feel like you belong?
9:00pm - Bitter, oh so bitter. I hate being jealous.
10:15pm - Huh?
10:18pm - Behold our God
2/24/15
3:00pm - I think I'm going to kill something.
2/27/15
2:30pm - Happy :)
3/2/15
6:30pm - just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl......
3/10/15
5:30pm - awww :)
10:00pm - Wild for the night
3/13/15
3:00pm - I am going to kill everything.
10:00pm - Am I a real person?
3/15/15
7:45pm - Apathy?
3/16/15
7:30pm - :(
7:45pm - It's time to land!
3/29/15
11:50pm - Sad, jealous, over it
3/30/15
7:30pm - ....to prosper and not to harm....
4/29/15
11:45pm - When pretend turns real.... :(
11:50pm - Lately I just can't seem to believe....
5/7/15
4:00pm - let me outttttt
5/8/15
6:15pm - And I wonder.....
6:16pm - How long? :(
5/8/15
6:15pm - And I wonder.....
6:16pm - How long? :(
10:35pm - If I ever need the exact moment here it is....washing dishes alone and I physically mentalize that I can't imagine my life.... listening to no room - CD
5/25/15
9:30pm - If only you knew :( So pathetic
9:35pm - If there ever was a person to make something out of nothing.... I don't want to be that person
10:00pm - @*#*(@%D$)(*$()*$()R)*(*(U$)(*$()N!@#!@@!#K
10:30pm - $**@($*F()#($)($U)(C)())K@)@)@R)@$*()&E)(*A)(*@$L@$*@(I(@$(@$*T)(@Y
11:00pm - Scar tissue that I wish you saw.....
11:05pm - I need to stop
5/28/15
11:45am - don't got money on my mind, go and search my thoughts, only green on my riverbanks
11:50am - Trees are beautiful!
5/25/15
9:30pm - If only you knew :( So pathetic
9:35pm - If there ever was a person to make something out of nothing.... I don't want to be that person
10:00pm - @*#*(@%D$)(*$()*$()R)*(*(U$)(*$()N!@#!@@!#K
10:30pm - $**@($*F()#($)($U)(C)())K@)@)@R)@$*()&E)(*A)(*@$L@$*@(I(@$(@$*T)(@Y
11:00pm - Scar tissue that I wish you saw.....
11:05pm - I need to stop
5/28/15
11:45am - don't got money on my mind, go and search my thoughts, only green on my riverbanks
11:50am - Trees are beautiful!
5/29/15
12:10am - sick of typical
6/1/15
7:20pm - >being that person
7:25pm - Let me out
11:13pm - The longer they go unspoken, the smaller the room is getting...I just don't believe there can ever be a time with NO ROOM
11:14pm - AHA get it cuz walls are being built!!! ^^^
11:15pm - I'm not sure why I made that sound exciting; it's actually quite sad
11:16pm - I don't think I make any sense anymore
11:20pm - Is it enough?
11:21pm - This is so much easier than actually doing homework
11:21pm - Seriously back to Finland I go
11:27pm - orange marmalade....with a twist
6/1/15
7:20pm - >being that person
7:25pm - Let me out
11:13pm - The longer they go unspoken, the smaller the room is getting...I just don't believe there can ever be a time with NO ROOM
11:14pm - AHA get it cuz walls are being built!!! ^^^
11:15pm - I'm not sure why I made that sound exciting; it's actually quite sad
11:16pm - I don't think I make any sense anymore
11:20pm - Is it enough?
11:21pm - This is so much easier than actually doing homework
11:21pm - Seriously back to Finland I go
11:27pm - orange marmalade....with a twist
11:40pm - But I don't want to :(
6/2/15
9:00am - remember this feeling
6/15/15
12:00am - has it really been 13 days?
12:05am - why do I constantly have to feel that way?
12:10am - BURST
12:15am - It's not that hard... it's so simple really :(
12:30am - It was not about losing my mental power; it's about not feeling good about my contribution to the game.
12:37am - wait but it's not the game, it's the mentality!!!! Brilliant counter reflection
6/30/15
1:40pm - I'm going crazyyyy.....************ crazy.................
1:42pm - I don't like when the change of scene affects every aspect of my well being
8/20/15
10:10am - I haven't been on here in awhile. I feel like this has turned into more a twitter for myself or a way to track my cryptic and often lunatic thoughts. I'm ok with that. What have I been feeling lately, Lauren? I have never felt such an impression of fakeness as I currently do. And that's saying a lot considering my upbringing. I want to throw up.
8/26/15
10:20am -
9/8/15
7:00pm - the worst part is having the urge to do and having to decide against it.
what is the urgency for? i don't know. anything from obnoxious facebook posts to jason mraz can spark it.
9/21/15
12:50am - my left half is bound to cave in if this continues. God, either kill me or let me live free of fear.
12:51am - and the waves just keep on rolling. it's like the lid was opened on the largest pot of boiling soup.
12:53am - and yet when i look over all of this, can i help but understand why? it's written all over this page and I didn't have the intelligence to listen to any of it. oh wait, i did, it just got crowded out by defiance.
1:11am - :(
9/26/15
11:34pm - Every time she leaves to see him.......I want them all to die
11:35pm - Blink 182 :\
11:36pm - I just realized that almost every time I write something on here it's sad because I rarely think to do so when I'm happy and having fun....I should do that more
10/10/15
4:46pm - I literally can't go anywhere in the world now, thank you very much
4:47pm - To go home or not to go home
4:49pm - Or hear anything
10/12/15
12:05am -
Get a little closer, let fold
Cut open my sternum, and pull
My little ribs around you
The rungs of me be under, under you
10/21/15
10:50am - *Fingers crossed*
10/27/15
6:05pm - When you don't have to pretend :) I don't know if I've ever been more excited in my life
11/28/15
11:11am - I haven't written on here in awhile....that's probably a good thing :)
11:13am - Ocean Beach will always be home....no pressure here
12/5/15
4:15pm - I can't understand the ridiculous portrayals of selfishness and its profound effect on my life. It just seems like complete purposeful blindness and an utter lack of stewardship.
12/8/15
10:18am - Thank you, it's one of the best things you could have done for me.
6/15/15
12:00am - has it really been 13 days?
12:05am - why do I constantly have to feel that way?
12:10am - BURST
12:15am - It's not that hard... it's so simple really :(
12:30am - It was not about losing my mental power; it's about not feeling good about my contribution to the game.
12:37am - wait but it's not the game, it's the mentality!!!! Brilliant counter reflection
6/30/15
1:40pm - I'm going crazyyyy.....************ crazy.................
1:42pm - I don't like when the change of scene affects every aspect of my well being
8/20/15
10:10am - I haven't been on here in awhile. I feel like this has turned into more a twitter for myself or a way to track my cryptic and often lunatic thoughts. I'm ok with that. What have I been feeling lately, Lauren? I have never felt such an impression of fakeness as I currently do. And that's saying a lot considering my upbringing. I want to throw up.
8/26/15
10:20am -
9/8/15
7:00pm - the worst part is having the urge to do and having to decide against it.
what is the urgency for? i don't know. anything from obnoxious facebook posts to jason mraz can spark it.
9/21/15
12:50am - my left half is bound to cave in if this continues. God, either kill me or let me live free of fear.
12:51am - and the waves just keep on rolling. it's like the lid was opened on the largest pot of boiling soup.
12:53am - and yet when i look over all of this, can i help but understand why? it's written all over this page and I didn't have the intelligence to listen to any of it. oh wait, i did, it just got crowded out by defiance.
1:11am - :(
9/26/15
11:34pm - Every time she leaves to see him.......I want them all to die
11:35pm - Blink 182 :\
11:36pm - I just realized that almost every time I write something on here it's sad because I rarely think to do so when I'm happy and having fun....I should do that more
10/10/15
4:46pm - I literally can't go anywhere in the world now, thank you very much
4:47pm - To go home or not to go home
4:49pm - Or hear anything
10/12/15
12:05am -
Get a little closer, let fold
Cut open my sternum, and pull
My little ribs around you
The rungs of me be under, under you
10/21/15
10:50am - *Fingers crossed*
10/27/15
6:05pm - When you don't have to pretend :) I don't know if I've ever been more excited in my life
11/28/15
11:11am - I haven't written on here in awhile....that's probably a good thing :)
11:13am - Ocean Beach will always be home....no pressure here
12/5/15
4:15pm - I can't understand the ridiculous portrayals of selfishness and its profound effect on my life. It just seems like complete purposeful blindness and an utter lack of stewardship.
12/8/15
10:18am - Thank you, it's one of the best things you could have done for me.
12/19/15
3:24am - holy shit. I'm worried of the violence
12/21/15
1:41pm - just remember the butterfly moment whenever you having feelings of doubt :)
1:42pm - And forget CD it's not real
12/29/15
2:36pm - why.......it really isn't a big deal and I really don't care. I've been so at peace and nothing can change that.
6:45pm - but I may be slightly obsessed.... :) maybe someday
11:25pm - That knowledge would have given me freedom. However, I can find a much greater freedom - the ultimate freedom - without human help. I don't need those answers.
11:32pm - extract the clutter from the everyday
12/30/15
8:05pm - Thanks
12/31/15
9:58am - Nature sex yawn winking reminder
12/21/15
1:41pm - just remember the butterfly moment whenever you having feelings of doubt :)
1:42pm - And forget CD it's not real
12/29/15
2:36pm - why.......it really isn't a big deal and I really don't care. I've been so at peace and nothing can change that.
6:45pm - but I may be slightly obsessed.... :) maybe someday
11:25pm - That knowledge would have given me freedom. However, I can find a much greater freedom - the ultimate freedom - without human help. I don't need those answers.
11:32pm - extract the clutter from the everyday
12/30/15
8:05pm - Thanks
12/31/15
9:58am - Nature sex yawn winking reminder
1/2/15
1:24am - even still.... I miss you. I guess it wasn't enough though and something has to be said for that or else I'll forget
1/3/15
6:41pm - I can't believe how unbelievably sad that moment made me feel this morning. I really didn't expect that.
1/5/15
11:00pm - and the dreams won't stop?
1/7/15
1:00pm - yikes
1/3/15
6:41pm - I can't believe how unbelievably sad that moment made me feel this morning. I really didn't expect that.
1/5/15
11:00pm - and the dreams won't stop?
1/7/15
1:00pm - yikes
1/9/15
2:05pm - I should feel bad but I don't.....
9:17pm - or maybe I do.
1/10/15
7:07pm - For the first time I understood, yet I hardly felt anything. For some reason it felt like it opened up a whole new world....but then what a large contrast last night was. Sometimes what you want doesn't match up with what you desire.
1/10/15
7:07pm - For the first time I understood, yet I hardly felt anything. For some reason it felt like it opened up a whole new world....but then what a large contrast last night was. Sometimes what you want doesn't match up with what you desire.
1/19/15
9:55am - what to doooo.... It's like pulling teeth but in a good way?
1/20/15
4:25pm - whyyyyyyy... I must say I'm not used to this
1/24/15
5:41pm - and yet again....why do I find it so hard to care? One step forward, two steps backward.
2/3/15
4:58pm - eh, moving forward :) why nothing at all and then all at once?
2/5/15
12:32pm - ahhh im allowed to run away
2/9/16
12:16am - Wow <3
2/10/16
7:02pm - does the storybook life emulate self-centeredness or an outward orientation towards community?
2/21/16
10:54pm - HA. screwed up and there's no going back. what some people wouldn't kill. no one even has to know that was ever said ;)
1/20/15
4:25pm - whyyyyyyy... I must say I'm not used to this
1/24/15
5:41pm - and yet again....why do I find it so hard to care? One step forward, two steps backward.
2/3/15
4:58pm - eh, moving forward :) why nothing at all and then all at once?
2/5/15
12:32pm - ahhh im allowed to run away
2/9/16
12:16am - Wow <3
2/10/16
7:02pm - does the storybook life emulate self-centeredness or an outward orientation towards community?
2/21/16
10:54pm - HA. screwed up and there's no going back. what some people wouldn't kill. no one even has to know that was ever said ;)
2/25/16
1:32am - I must say that what I saw today partially tore me up on the inside. To hear words that so avidly don't match up....giving up is seriously so pathetic. Honestly. Anyone can give up. And giving up means it didn't matter very much to you in the first place. And if it actually did, man youre stupid. Or just an arrogant hypocritical liar. Either way. And I mean, obviously I know a lot about that. What I wouldn't do to get what I wanted. Clearly life right now is an example of that hahaha
2/27/16
1:16am - wait, but was that what i asked for? :( it's too much, oh it's too much. I'm not sure how to stop it because im not sure what i got myself into. Sometimes Kurt's screaming emulates how I feel on the inside.
2/27/16
1:16am - wait, but was that what i asked for? :( it's too much, oh it's too much. I'm not sure how to stop it because im not sure what i got myself into. Sometimes Kurt's screaming emulates how I feel on the inside.
2/28/16
2:40am - today I wanted to run away. I had fun instead. I will choose to believe no matter how many times I see otherwise. They do exist. But honestly I don't care right now. I respect myself too much to lower to that.
3/1/16
8:29 - this peaceful life seems so much more appealing :)
3/3/16
3:38pm - I saw it in the hospital......DAMN
3/4/16
5:58pm - the eerieness lingers.....i can't even imagine the mentality of a hostage.
3/4/16
11:09pm - and then i heard it in the song....... shoot
12:38am - because i would forgive you if you could only forgive me
12:39am - i didn't mean to get so carried away......
3/10/16
10:20pm - it's fucking unfair.
10:40pm - this kind of injustice is what catalyzes my desire to flee from the system.
11:04pm - i'm disappointed from what i know and what i've been told but what i wouldn't give to talk to you right now.
3/13/16
11:02pm - cause i can hardly see what's in front of me these days........God, my God, Where Have You Been??
3/19/16
11:40am - because i draw butterflies when i'm confused
3/21/16
3:25am - it bothers me that i wanted to be there so bad for you when i heard....for what did the balcony mean? bleh it's too much for me right now i feel so pushed and prodded and expectant of
4/11/16
2:16am - ?????? i guess im not feeling like the sun. what the heck :( im bothered that im bothered by that
4/14/16
9:28am - asdfks dfkajf ksljfksdjaksfdjksjf blahhhhhhh oops :))))
5/5/16
1:17pm - hello friend.... a month strong but i just don't know. only i would love my life and want to run away from it at the same time.
3/1/16
8:29 - this peaceful life seems so much more appealing :)
3/3/16
3:38pm - I saw it in the hospital......DAMN
3/4/16
5:58pm - the eerieness lingers.....i can't even imagine the mentality of a hostage.
3/4/16
11:09pm - and then i heard it in the song....... shoot
12:38am - because i would forgive you if you could only forgive me
12:39am - i didn't mean to get so carried away......
3/10/16
10:20pm - it's fucking unfair.
10:40pm - this kind of injustice is what catalyzes my desire to flee from the system.
11:04pm - i'm disappointed from what i know and what i've been told but what i wouldn't give to talk to you right now.
3/13/16
11:02pm - cause i can hardly see what's in front of me these days........God, my God, Where Have You Been??
3/19/16
11:40am - because i draw butterflies when i'm confused
3/21/16
3:25am - it bothers me that i wanted to be there so bad for you when i heard....for what did the balcony mean? bleh it's too much for me right now i feel so pushed and prodded and expectant of
4/11/16
2:16am - ?????? i guess im not feeling like the sun. what the heck :( im bothered that im bothered by that
4/14/16
9:28am - asdfks dfkajf ksljfksdjaksfdjksjf blahhhhhhh oops :))))
5/5/16
1:17pm - hello friend.... a month strong but i just don't know. only i would love my life and want to run away from it at the same time.
5/6/16
10:23pm - and I will never let anyone else see.
10:24pm - how am I supposed to plan for this summer when I'm so caught up in right now? I can't look forward while here my mind doesn't work like that. Damn getting caught up....but I guess I wouldn't replace it for anything
5/17/16
9:08am - i'm so over being the middle man, the peacemaker....i feel sick. stop being jealous, stop feeling threatened, and stop micromanaging and just live your frikin life!
9:11am - however, best damn listener that i ever did hear of :)
5/17/16
9:08am - i'm so over being the middle man, the peacemaker....i feel sick. stop being jealous, stop feeling threatened, and stop micromanaging and just live your frikin life!
9:11am - however, best damn listener that i ever did hear of :)
5/23/16
9:50am - I think I'm finally ready to let go and leave. Any longer and I'll go crazy in more than one way. It's too good but not at the same time
5/31/16
11:52am - Irresponsibility.
5/31/16
11:52am - Irresponsibility.
7/12/16
12:32am - Hey you! Out there in the cold. Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me. Hey you! Would you help me to carry the stone. Open your heart, I'm coming home. Hey you! Don't tell me there's no hope at all. Together we stand, divided we fall.
:)
7/15/16
12:00am - waveyyyyyyyyy
12:19am - the bird landed on a crooked nest. LOL
12:21am - I'm getting weirder. I can feel it. And I love it. thank you, Maine, you don't judge me ;)
12:23am - how much longer can we complain and debate without actually doing anything to better the world? I hate the hypocrisy.
12:32am - Hey you! Out there in the cold. Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me. Hey you! Would you help me to carry the stone. Open your heart, I'm coming home. Hey you! Don't tell me there's no hope at all. Together we stand, divided we fall.
:)
7/15/16
12:00am - waveyyyyyyyyy
12:19am - the bird landed on a crooked nest. LOL
12:21am - I'm getting weirder. I can feel it. And I love it. thank you, Maine, you don't judge me ;)
12:23am - how much longer can we complain and debate without actually doing anything to better the world? I hate the hypocrisy.
8/1/16
8:49am - I thought I just saw it in the golden piano on the mountain top....but I then saw it everywhere.
American Pie Roman candles the Bible Drugs
8/5/16
11:16pm - one of my closest friends here left today :( I don't think anyone will understand me like she did. dirtyforever
8/25/16
pushed and prodded what's new
10/16/16
4:04pm -
Today:
Syd Barrett's death
Roger Water's words omg
Remorse
The war (the weight)
Political angst in comparison haha pathetic
Needs confused
I miss you?
8/5/16
11:16pm - one of my closest friends here left today :( I don't think anyone will understand me like she did. dirtyforever
8/25/16
pushed and prodded what's new
10/16/16
4:04pm -
Today:
Syd Barrett's death
Roger Water's words omg
Remorse
The war (the weight)
Political angst in comparison haha pathetic
Needs confused
I miss you?
3/7/21
It’s been over 4 1/2 years. Time to resurrect!
7:39pm - Dog vomit oh my. To be high and never come down. Still, so still
7:52 - the shallowness saddens me deeply. For what is life but human connection and experience?
