Age fills me with sadness.
Why so? It shouldn't.
Yet, there have been so many moments when my eyes catch the face of an elderly person, and I can't help but feel overcome with a sense of distraught sympathy. For all I know, they are completely content, having a lived a full life and continuing to press on into later years. But I just can't help but see this expression of confusion in their faces that pulls something in my heart. I believe it may be the way in which they appear so naive and pure - unknowing - yet they have lived to a much more significant extent than I have (in my own non-naivety). So where is this look derived from? Often I've seen it as genuine confusion, just as someone is lost or unsure of their decision. But this happens to all ages and all spans of life. It must be the fact that they are so wise and worldly yet as easily confused as a young child. It's that little instance of reversion. I almost teared up yesterday at the sight of an old man. Granted, it had been a long day and I was exhausted from traveling. But as I looked at that man - sitting on the edge of his seat to look out of the water, just waiting for that glimpse of the Statue of Liberty, mouth opening, eyes questioning - I felt severely depressed. Maybe it's the ease of captured attention. I guess I don't ever want to be so easily and simply entertained - is that bad to say? These people may have lived such adventurous lives but as soon as old age hits they stand in awe of the simplest of pleasures. They misunderstand, they admire, and they enjoy the most uncomplicated things, perhaps because they can't comprehend much more any longer. Maybe that's what I'm scared of. How pathetically arrogant of me. I do say though, this look of content confusion is what draws me to them. It makes me want to hold conversation with them and it causes me to genuinely smile. I love when older people come into Peet's. Maybe I'm just sick of the college age demographic, but they always have so much to say or need help with and I like being able to assist them.
Since I've spent the most time in New York, I believe I have the expertise to accurately assess the subculture of this place. Lol jk, I don't actually think 3 days can give you that (unless we are talking about Mexico, I for sure figured that one out, haha). But grant me some observations.
I'm not cool enough for New York. No one wears cut-off shorts, ragged shirts and tanks, or sandals. Which I sincerely don't understand because it gets so insanely hot here?? I stand out like a homeless man in Beverly Hills (may be exaggerating). The classic New York look (for Caucasians) is button down shirts or tee, cuffed pants, athletic shoes, headphones, glasses, and a harsh expression. Although I have seen this often, it's also nice that everyone here dresses with their own unique style. It really seems that people here just wear what they like, rather than worrying about if what they like is "cool" or in style. That's refreshing. I'm getting sicker and sicker of LA's need to impress and obsession with being "trendy" and "hipster" (oxymorons, people!), "OMG you are totally hipster, aren't you?!" Although I don't understand why people don't wear shorts here, it's really nice seeing girls wearing real clothes and not just yoga pants and crop tops 24/7.
I think it's pretty obvious to most people I interact with that I'm not from here. The blonde demographics are severely low, but I'm used to that. And I never realized how much politeness was drilled into my upbringing until discovering that saying "thank you", "good morning", etc. are completely obsolete and unnecessary. People are so rude here. It comes off to me as being unhappy, which is an assumption that will not be made. But they run around like lunatics grabbing what they need and not stopping to help others. I'm pretty confident I could scream on a street corner for help and most people wouldn't stop. The coffee shop I'm at now has nice vibes, but it leaves me missing the laidback attitude of beachside cafes, where people come in barefoot and half wearing clothes. At least they are greeted with a kind "hello" and not made to feel like an imposition. I guess it's a side effect of being the largest city in America. The quote by Jack Keraouc has been constantly running through my head during my time here.
“LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities; NY gets god-awful cold in the winter but there's a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in some streets. LA is a jungle.”
I really am confused by this. New York City is an absolute jungle. I don't see the comradeship here. Maybe that's too naive for a traveler to say, because I haven't had the chance to be actually involved in community here. Granted, New York and Los Angeles have definitely changed since the time that that book was written. I can imagine that New York would have been a wonderful place to be in earlier times. But still, people just seem straight up nicer and more helpful in LA than they are here. I've mastered driving here - it's basically make-your-own-path-and-people-will-move-out-of-it if they don't want to get hit. And then honk incessantly when anyone dares to interrupt your speed. It's insane. I will never understand why California drivers get such a bad rap. I've also mastered the subway, which I love and have always wished were brought to California.
All that to say, I really like New York. The people are less free flowing and the catcalls are 10x worse than California, but there's a unique and exciting lifestyle that this city holds. The ancient buildings are beautiful and there is always something happening. It's captivating, yet tiresome. I could definitely adapt but probably only short term; I am already ready to be out of the city and in nature.
