passion.
Maybe I didn't realize I had it this whole time.
Well, I did, but I was under the false impression that it had to be directed towards something specific in order to be considered legitimate.
I wonder why?
I have a passion for learning.
growing.
building. oh, so much excitement for building!!
relationships.
god.
people.
music.
traveling.
nature.
kittens.
coffee.
the needy.
Why should I ever consider any of these to be less important or not real? Probably because it has been pounded into my head since birth that in order to mean anything in this world I must pour myself into a respectable career. When I came to despise this realization, I believed that the only thing I could really be passionate about was to travel and experience.
Although this year I definitely began to discover more passions and pursuits, I didn't realize fully until now how completely untrue this belief is! As much as I love traveling and exploring, there is a part of me that is unsatisfied with the entertainment nature of it. I realized this partially from the people I have met through this experience. Oh, the most interesting people you will ever meet, but their mentality is where we differ. Could I be ok with traveling from one serving job to another for the rest of my life? No, I couldn't. And this realization kind of surprised me. It surprised me because I let the world tell me that my passions weren't real. I thought all I had left was to travel and work simple jobs. But doing so has made me realize how much more God has equipped me with! As much as I love what I'm doing here, I know it is not something I am meant to do for a large period of my life. I am so happy to be here now and then get to return back to LA and pursue the opportunities I left off. I can't wait for weekends in Ventura writing music and recording! Working more catering events/ weddings with that guy in Beverly Hills. Pursuing tech more seriously through more online Python, etc. courses. Potentially gaining managing experience. Leading a bible study. Committing to the homeless feeding organization. Going on climbing trips in Joshua Tree. Continued consideration of graduate school in Seattle. Becoming more involved in my new church. Because I AM a passionate person and I do love learning and growing. Maybe learning in different ways than what the world tells me I should, but learning all the same. I need to pour myself into things that matter to me, because apart from God, that's what gives me meaning. And I can't believe I almost let the world take that away from me.
