yah

Silence.

Oh, how this sometimes seems like such a completely erroneous notion.  I feel like it happened today for the first time, yet ever so briefly.  The usual harassment commenced - telling me what I should do.  I didn't.  But I still felt that pressure.  I can never be myself because I guess I always owe someone something.  It shouldn't be that way.  Today, I didn't let it be.  To be calm and alone must be the hardest human accomplishment - thank you, technology.  
But how can I say that when there are people like Cole?  I felt bad today when he came over; silence for him is so natural.  And not the good silence.  I hope I brightened his day even if he was the one who did me the favor.

Time.

Why do we waste so much of it?  Not even putting physical time to waste, but when it comes to things that don't require our immediate attention we let them drift aimlessly.  If the events of the other day taught me anything, it's that we don't have as much time as we think.  So many worse things could have happened.  Any of us could have been collateral damage.  The crash could have been fatal.  The hostages could have been shot.  I or someone I love could have been that hostage.  So, yah, what exactly am I waiting for?  Well, I'm not.  My life doesn't exactly exemplify that, though.  If you want something you should try your hardest to get it and if you don't then you really don't care that much.  I have hardly tried.  Is that telling me something right now?  If I don't know now then I probably won't know. Idk.  I'm not sure I work that way.  Time and place can be a thing but they can only be taken so seriously.
And wait - you know what, I did try really hard!  I've never pursued something that outwardly in my life.  I'm not sure why I did; I guess I just wanted to dig down deeper.  I wanted to find something that I knew I wouldn't find.  And gross.  What I did find made me lose hope.  At least it taught me what I wanted.  I would've thought I had learned that by now.  Absolutely none are worth my time and it kind of scares me to say that.  I guess I had a little hope in that 33.3%.  But 1 out of 3 is still a ridiculous assumption.  I'm me, I'm not everyone.  And you know what, I've never been happier :)

Peace.

It breathes me in and I expire oxidized and refreshed.