Hey You

I write so much when I don't want to study.... Oh if I could forever sit and drink coffee and write and listen to The Velvet Underground. Yes.

I wish I wrote a little more in my journals when I was younger.  Or that I hadn't ripped out pages and practically burned them.  Pride is the greatest inhibitor of human expression.
But really, I wish I had written more.  Not necessarily about my day-to-day, but about my thoughts and feelings.  I'd be curious to know how I saw the world at a young age.

I ran into both Kaylor Meyers and Daniel Woo in the same week.  So weird.  Kaylor makes a little more sense, since she lives in the area while going to BIOLA.  But Daniel?  In the middle of the West Covina Walmart?  Conveniently after asking Brooke if I was allowed to wear baggy stained sweats to blend in with the People of Walmart (fortunately I changed into semi-cuter sweats).  Daniel was visiting his cousin who lives in West Covina along with Nozomi, possibly a second cousin, and Daniel's girlfriend, Shaylene (who he awkwardly didn't introduce me to).

Seeing him again reminded me of high school.  It made me think of the first time my heart felt broken, by someone I didn't even have romantic ties to.  I remembered how much time I spent talking to him, listening to his obsessions with Sara (eye roll) and then eventually Shaylene, and dealing with his dramatic way of handling every little thing.  I remember how much he tried to control my life and how he got so upset when I made choices that he didn't agree with.  Omg, the time I slammed the door on him and cried at Liz's party because he got insane from Will following me around like a puppy and me being interested in Ben.  Lol he was honestly psycho at times.  
And when he lastly hurt me by dramatically removing himself from my life because "he wasn't good for me".  That was a good example of my lack of ability to confront and it hasn't improved much since then.

I think confrontation would have saved me from a lot of heartache.  It would have helped me remove Daniel's negativity from my life a lot sooner.  It would have kept me from allowing Ben to manipulate and disrespect me.  It would have prevented me from feeling so falsely needy and inadequate with Ryan.  And it would have kept me from feeling like I owe all these other guys something.  I'm so sick of their immature pressure.