I've had a lot running through my mind recently, per usual, but I'm not sure I can find the words to properly explain what's in my heart. I guess I will try my best because I know it clears up my mind when I attempt to write my thoughts down in an organized manner. A warm thank you to Blackboard for currently being under maintenance so that I can guiltlessly verbalize the mental fragments that have been exuding out of me....hahaha I kid.
Lately, the words of Ecclesiastes have been repeating themselves in my head, probably due to the fact that I feel like I relate to them more than anything right now. In the beginning chapters of the book, Solomon talks about the meaningless of "everything under the sun". He wrestles with his realizations that his wisdom means nothing; fate ultimately overtakes both the wise man and the fool. This cannot be helped, for the earth is a flowing cycle of human lives: each person is born, lives, and dies forgotten while new births fill the shallow abyss of death. Ecclesiastes 1:9-11 sums up many of his relevant thoughts well:
"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, 'Look! this is something new'? It was there already here, long ago; it was here before our time. No one remembers the former generations, and even those yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow them."
He goes on to explain his journey of experimentation to find meaning in earthly pleasures and found that he only felt weary from the toil of working toward something that has no value. Our lives are utterly insignificant.
Wow to be continued......I got like nothing out of my head. Can someone please invent a machine that reads your mind and writes your thoughts out for you?
Let's be honest....I don't think I can ever finish this. Too many thoughts regarding this....it seems to affect every aspect of my life. Well at least I know what I meant to write here.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
With blushing brilliance alive...
I've always adored this song (haha get it - Adore) but I haven't always realized how truly beautiful these lyrics are. Their metaphoric significance and poetic articulateness is honestly astounding to me. Whether this song is referring to death, separation, or love, I know that it will always inspire a certain amount of introspection. This is just another reason I love the Pumpkins...they are able to produce angst-driven melodramas and then turn around a perform the most simple sounding yet complexly worded love ballad.
To Sheila
Twilight fades through blistered avalon
The sky's cruel torch on aching autobahn
Into the uncertain divine
We scream into the last divide
You make me real
You make me real
Strong as I feel
You make me real
Sheila rides on crashing nightingale
Intake eyes leave passing vapor trails
With blushing brilliance alive
Because it's time to arrive
You make me real
You make me real
Strong as I feel
You make me real
Lately I just can't seem to believe
Discard my friends to change the scenery
It meant the world to hold a bruising faith
But now it's just a matter of grace
A summer storm graces all of me
Highway warm sing silent poetry
I could bring you the light
And take you home into the night
(You make me real) Lately i just can't seem to believe
(You make me real) Discard my friends to change the scenery
(Strong as I feel) It meant the world to hold a bruising faith
(You make me real) But now it's just a matter of grace
To Sheila
Twilight fades through blistered avalon
The sky's cruel torch on aching autobahn
Into the uncertain divine
We scream into the last divide
You make me real
You make me real
Strong as I feel
You make me real
Sheila rides on crashing nightingale
Intake eyes leave passing vapor trails
With blushing brilliance alive
Because it's time to arrive
You make me real
You make me real
Strong as I feel
You make me real
Lately I just can't seem to believe
Discard my friends to change the scenery
It meant the world to hold a bruising faith
But now it's just a matter of grace
A summer storm graces all of me
Highway warm sing silent poetry
I could bring you the light
And take you home into the night
(You make me real) Lately i just can't seem to believe
(You make me real) Discard my friends to change the scenery
(Strong as I feel) It meant the world to hold a bruising faith
(You make me real) But now it's just a matter of grace
Monday, April 13, 2015
Copy Cat
How many people are truly who they outwardly appear to be?
I believe that there is an aspect of true happiness that is only available to those who are fully able embrace their individual sense of humanity. To express themselves without hesitation or fear of social standards and to relish in this obvious gifting of freedom! I want to maintain this concept of uniqueness as a prominent part of my life. To act without meaningless restraint or withheld interest in the nonuniform (to a certain standard of peace and respect for others, of course). Naturally, this is bound to bring to light the negative characteristics that are expected to come from a flawed species. Good! They are now recognizable, now do your best to eliminate them and become the best version of yourself possible.
Problem is, we're so caught up in the lives and trends around us that we will never fully achieve this concept of individuality. Have fun living as depressed copy cats, humans.
(I am by no means excluding myself from that statement, lol)
I believe that there is an aspect of true happiness that is only available to those who are fully able embrace their individual sense of humanity. To express themselves without hesitation or fear of social standards and to relish in this obvious gifting of freedom! I want to maintain this concept of uniqueness as a prominent part of my life. To act without meaningless restraint or withheld interest in the nonuniform (to a certain standard of peace and respect for others, of course). Naturally, this is bound to bring to light the negative characteristics that are expected to come from a flawed species. Good! They are now recognizable, now do your best to eliminate them and become the best version of yourself possible.
Problem is, we're so caught up in the lives and trends around us that we will never fully achieve this concept of individuality. Have fun living as depressed copy cats, humans.
(I am by no means excluding myself from that statement, lol)
Monday, April 6, 2015
Quotes by Kerourac
No class until 3:00? Might as well update my compilation of favorite quotes from On the Road. Although I have mixed feelings on the book as a whole, I did really appreciate certain passages that I read.
"But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'" pg. 5-6
"And his 'criminality' was not something that sulked and sneered; it was a wild yea-saying overburst of American joy; it was western, the west wind, and ode from the plains, something new, long prophesied, long a-coming (he only stole cars for joyrides)" pg. 7 YES
"'Let's all go to my apartment!' I shouted. We did; the moment the car stopped there I jumped out and stood on ym head in the grass. All my keys fell out; I never found them. We ran, shouting, into the building. Roland Major stood barring our way in his silk dressing gown." pg. 44
"They were like the man with the dungeon stone and the gloom, rising the form underground, the sordid hipsters of America, a new beat generation that I was slowly joining." pg. 54
"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk - real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious." pg. 54
"We lay on our backs, looking at the ceiling and wondering what God had wrought when He made life so sad." pg. 58
"There is something brown and holy about the East; and California is while like washlines and emptyheaded - at least that's what I thought then." pg. 79 My thoughts on the new establishments of the West and the lack of significance they portray
"LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities; New York gets god-awful cold in the winter but there's a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in the streets. LA is a jungle." pg. 86 Theory of commonality causing community? And direct correlation to previous quote.
"I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn’t know who I was – I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I’d never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn’t know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn’t scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost."
"But then they danced down the street like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'" pg. 5-6
"And his 'criminality' was not something that sulked and sneered; it was a wild yea-saying overburst of American joy; it was western, the west wind, and ode from the plains, something new, long prophesied, long a-coming (he only stole cars for joyrides)" pg. 7 YES
"'Let's all go to my apartment!' I shouted. We did; the moment the car stopped there I jumped out and stood on ym head in the grass. All my keys fell out; I never found them. We ran, shouting, into the building. Roland Major stood barring our way in his silk dressing gown." pg. 44
"They were like the man with the dungeon stone and the gloom, rising the form underground, the sordid hipsters of America, a new beat generation that I was slowly joining." pg. 54
"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk - real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious." pg. 54
"We lay on our backs, looking at the ceiling and wondering what God had wrought when He made life so sad." pg. 58
"There is something brown and holy about the East; and California is while like washlines and emptyheaded - at least that's what I thought then." pg. 79 My thoughts on the new establishments of the West and the lack of significance they portray
"LA is the loneliest and most brutal of American cities; New York gets god-awful cold in the winter but there's a feeling of wacky comradeship somewhere in the streets. LA is a jungle." pg. 86 Theory of commonality causing community? And direct correlation to previous quote.
"I woke up as the sun was reddening; and that was the one distinct time in my life, the strangest moment of all, when I didn’t know who I was – I was far away from home, haunted and tired with travel, in a cheap hotel room I’d never seen, hearing the hiss of steam outside, and the creak of the old wood of the hotel, and footsteps upstairs, and all the sad sounds, and I looked at the cracked high ceiling and really didn’t know who I was for about fifteen strange seconds. I wasn’t scared; I was just somebody else, some stranger, and my whole life was a haunted life, the life of a ghost."
Monday, March 16, 2015
Nighthawks
Today, I wish I were a part of Nighthawks. It's one of my favorite paintings, but to be honest, I don't exactly have an answer for why. Perhaps it's the way such a commonplace happening is depicted in such a simplistic manner. Perhaps it's my own romanticized perception of the time period displayed. Perhaps it's the way this painting makes the viewer feel like a lone outsider looking in on a warm instance in time. Perhaps it's merely because of the hollowness it seems to develop inside of me. Whatever the reason be, Nighthawks further establishes my insatiable craving for something more, yes, something good.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
EmotionGraph
Current Emotions
2/221510:30am - I am broken
3:30pm - I AM FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!!!
3:31pm - Screw studying HACCP and run away to Iceland!!!!
2/23/15
1:00pm - Do you feel like you belong?
9:00pm - Bitter, oh so bitter. I hate being jealous.
10:15pm - Huh?
10:18pm - Behold our God
2/24/15
3:00pm - I think I'm going to kill something.
2/27/15
2:30pm - Happy :)
3/2/15
6:30pm - just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl......
3/10/15
5:30pm - awww :)
10:00pm - Wild for the night
3/13/15
3:00pm - I am going to kill everything.
10:00pm - Am I a real person?
3/15/15
7:45pm - Apathy?
3/16/15
7:30pm - :(
7:45pm - It's time to land!
3/29/15
11:50pm - Sad, jealous, over it
3/30/15
7:30pm - ....to prosper and not to harm....
4/29/15
11:45pm - When pretend turns real.... :(
11:50pm - Lately I just can't seem to believe....
5/7/15
4:00pm - let me outttttt
5/8/15
6:15pm - And I wonder.....
6:16pm - How long? :(
5/8/15
6:15pm - And I wonder.....
6:16pm - How long? :(
10:35pm - If I ever need the exact moment here it is....washing dishes alone and I physically mentalize that I can't imagine my life.... listening to no room - CD
5/25/15
9:30pm - If only you knew :( So pathetic
9:35pm - If there ever was a person to make something out of nothing.... I don't want to be that person
10:00pm - @*#*(@%D$)(*$()*$()R)*(*(U$)(*$()N!@#!@@!#K
10:30pm - $**@($*F()#($)($U)(C)())K@)@)@R)@$*()&E)(*A)(*@$L@$*@(I(@$(@$*T)(@Y
11:00pm - Scar tissue that I wish you saw.....
11:05pm - I need to stop
5/28/15
11:45am - don't got money on my mind, go and search my thoughts, only green on my riverbanks
11:50am - Trees are beautiful!
5/25/15
9:30pm - If only you knew :( So pathetic
9:35pm - If there ever was a person to make something out of nothing.... I don't want to be that person
10:00pm - @*#*(@%D$)(*$()*$()R)*(*(U$)(*$()N!@#!@@!#K
10:30pm - $**@($*F()#($)($U)(C)())K@)@)@R)@$*()&E)(*A)(*@$L@$*@(I(@$(@$*T)(@Y
11:00pm - Scar tissue that I wish you saw.....
11:05pm - I need to stop
5/28/15
11:45am - don't got money on my mind, go and search my thoughts, only green on my riverbanks
11:50am - Trees are beautiful!
5/29/15
12:10am - sick of typical
6/1/15
7:20pm - >being that person
7:25pm - Let me out
11:13pm - The longer they go unspoken, the smaller the room is getting...I just don't believe there can ever be a time with NO ROOM
11:14pm - AHA get it cuz walls are being built!!! ^^^
11:15pm - I'm not sure why I made that sound exciting; it's actually quite sad
11:16pm - I don't think I make any sense anymore
11:20pm - Is it enough?
11:21pm - This is so much easier than actually doing homework
11:21pm - Seriously back to Finland I go
11:27pm - orange marmalade....with a twist
6/1/15
7:20pm - >being that person
7:25pm - Let me out
11:13pm - The longer they go unspoken, the smaller the room is getting...I just don't believe there can ever be a time with NO ROOM
11:14pm - AHA get it cuz walls are being built!!! ^^^
11:15pm - I'm not sure why I made that sound exciting; it's actually quite sad
11:16pm - I don't think I make any sense anymore
11:20pm - Is it enough?
11:21pm - This is so much easier than actually doing homework
11:21pm - Seriously back to Finland I go
11:27pm - orange marmalade....with a twist
11:40pm - But I don't want to :(
6/2/15
9:00am - remember this feeling
6/15/15
12:00am - has it really been 13 days?
12:05am - why do I constantly have to feel that way?
12:10am - BURST
12:15am - It's not that hard... it's so simple really :(
12:30am - It was not about losing my mental power; it's about not feeling good about my contribution to the game.
12:37am - wait but it's not the game, it's the mentality!!!! Brilliant counter reflection
6/30/15
1:40pm - I'm going crazyyyy.....************ crazy.................
1:42pm - I don't like when the change of scene affects every aspect of my well being
8/20/15
10:10am - I haven't been on here in awhile. I feel like this has turned into more a twitter for myself or a way to track my cryptic and often lunatic thoughts. I'm ok with that. What have I been feeling lately, Lauren? I have never felt such an impression of fakeness as I currently do. And that's saying a lot considering my upbringing. I want to throw up.
8/26/15
10:20am -
9/8/15
7:00pm - the worst part is having the urge to do and having to decide against it.
what is the urgency for? i don't know. anything from obnoxious facebook posts to jason mraz can spark it.
9/21/15
12:50am - my left half is bound to cave in if this continues. God, either kill me or let me live free of fear.
12:51am - and the waves just keep on rolling. it's like the lid was opened on the largest pot of boiling soup.
12:53am - and yet when i look over all of this, can i help but understand why? it's written all over this page and I didn't have the intelligence to listen to any of it. oh wait, i did, it just got crowded out by defiance.
1:11am - :(
9/26/15
11:34pm - Every time she leaves to see him.......I want them all to die
11:35pm - Blink 182 :\
11:36pm - I just realized that almost every time I write something on here it's sad because I rarely think to do so when I'm happy and having fun....I should do that more
10/10/15
4:46pm - I literally can't go anywhere in the world now, thank you very much
4:47pm - To go home or not to go home
4:49pm - Or hear anything
10/12/15
12:05am -
Get a little closer, let fold
Cut open my sternum, and pull
My little ribs around you
The rungs of me be under, under you
10/21/15
10:50am - *Fingers crossed*
10/27/15
6:05pm - When you don't have to pretend :) I don't know if I've ever been more excited in my life
11/28/15
11:11am - I haven't written on here in awhile....that's probably a good thing :)
11:13am - Ocean Beach will always be home....no pressure here
12/5/15
4:15pm - I can't understand the ridiculous portrayals of selfishness and its profound effect on my life. It just seems like complete purposeful blindness and an utter lack of stewardship.
12/8/15
10:18am - Thank you, it's one of the best things you could have done for me.
6/15/15
12:00am - has it really been 13 days?
12:05am - why do I constantly have to feel that way?
12:10am - BURST
12:15am - It's not that hard... it's so simple really :(
12:30am - It was not about losing my mental power; it's about not feeling good about my contribution to the game.
12:37am - wait but it's not the game, it's the mentality!!!! Brilliant counter reflection
6/30/15
1:40pm - I'm going crazyyyy.....************ crazy.................
1:42pm - I don't like when the change of scene affects every aspect of my well being
8/20/15
10:10am - I haven't been on here in awhile. I feel like this has turned into more a twitter for myself or a way to track my cryptic and often lunatic thoughts. I'm ok with that. What have I been feeling lately, Lauren? I have never felt such an impression of fakeness as I currently do. And that's saying a lot considering my upbringing. I want to throw up.
8/26/15
10:20am -
9/8/15
7:00pm - the worst part is having the urge to do and having to decide against it.
what is the urgency for? i don't know. anything from obnoxious facebook posts to jason mraz can spark it.
9/21/15
12:50am - my left half is bound to cave in if this continues. God, either kill me or let me live free of fear.
12:51am - and the waves just keep on rolling. it's like the lid was opened on the largest pot of boiling soup.
12:53am - and yet when i look over all of this, can i help but understand why? it's written all over this page and I didn't have the intelligence to listen to any of it. oh wait, i did, it just got crowded out by defiance.
1:11am - :(
9/26/15
11:34pm - Every time she leaves to see him.......I want them all to die
11:35pm - Blink 182 :\
11:36pm - I just realized that almost every time I write something on here it's sad because I rarely think to do so when I'm happy and having fun....I should do that more
10/10/15
4:46pm - I literally can't go anywhere in the world now, thank you very much
4:47pm - To go home or not to go home
4:49pm - Or hear anything
10/12/15
12:05am -
Get a little closer, let fold
Cut open my sternum, and pull
My little ribs around you
The rungs of me be under, under you
10/21/15
10:50am - *Fingers crossed*
10/27/15
6:05pm - When you don't have to pretend :) I don't know if I've ever been more excited in my life
11/28/15
11:11am - I haven't written on here in awhile....that's probably a good thing :)
11:13am - Ocean Beach will always be home....no pressure here
12/5/15
4:15pm - I can't understand the ridiculous portrayals of selfishness and its profound effect on my life. It just seems like complete purposeful blindness and an utter lack of stewardship.
12/8/15
10:18am - Thank you, it's one of the best things you could have done for me.
12/19/15
3:24am - holy shit. I'm worried of the violence
12/21/15
1:41pm - just remember the butterfly moment whenever you having feelings of doubt :)
1:42pm - And forget CD it's not real
12/29/15
2:36pm - why.......it really isn't a big deal and I really don't care. I've been so at peace and nothing can change that.
6:45pm - but I may be slightly obsessed.... :) maybe someday
11:25pm - That knowledge would have given me freedom. However, I can find a much greater freedom - the ultimate freedom - without human help. I don't need those answers.
11:32pm - extract the clutter from the everyday
12/30/15
8:05pm - Thanks
12/31/15
9:58am - Nature sex yawn winking reminder
12/21/15
1:41pm - just remember the butterfly moment whenever you having feelings of doubt :)
1:42pm - And forget CD it's not real
12/29/15
2:36pm - why.......it really isn't a big deal and I really don't care. I've been so at peace and nothing can change that.
6:45pm - but I may be slightly obsessed.... :) maybe someday
11:25pm - That knowledge would have given me freedom. However, I can find a much greater freedom - the ultimate freedom - without human help. I don't need those answers.
11:32pm - extract the clutter from the everyday
12/30/15
8:05pm - Thanks
12/31/15
9:58am - Nature sex yawn winking reminder
1/2/15
1:24am - even still.... I miss you. I guess it wasn't enough though and something has to be said for that or else I'll forget
1/3/15
6:41pm - I can't believe how unbelievably sad that moment made me feel this morning. I really didn't expect that.
1/5/15
11:00pm - and the dreams won't stop?
1/7/15
1:00pm - yikes
1/3/15
6:41pm - I can't believe how unbelievably sad that moment made me feel this morning. I really didn't expect that.
1/5/15
11:00pm - and the dreams won't stop?
1/7/15
1:00pm - yikes
1/9/15
2:05pm - I should feel bad but I don't.....
9:17pm - or maybe I do.
1/10/15
7:07pm - For the first time I understood, yet I hardly felt anything. For some reason it felt like it opened up a whole new world....but then what a large contrast last night was. Sometimes what you want doesn't match up with what you desire.
1/10/15
7:07pm - For the first time I understood, yet I hardly felt anything. For some reason it felt like it opened up a whole new world....but then what a large contrast last night was. Sometimes what you want doesn't match up with what you desire.
1/19/15
9:55am - what to doooo.... It's like pulling teeth but in a good way?
1/20/15
4:25pm - whyyyyyyy... I must say I'm not used to this
1/24/15
5:41pm - and yet again....why do I find it so hard to care? One step forward, two steps backward.
2/3/15
4:58pm - eh, moving forward :) why nothing at all and then all at once?
2/5/15
12:32pm - ahhh im allowed to run away
2/9/16
12:16am - Wow <3
2/10/16
7:02pm - does the storybook life emulate self-centeredness or an outward orientation towards community?
2/21/16
10:54pm - HA. screwed up and there's no going back. what some people wouldn't kill. no one even has to know that was ever said ;)
1/20/15
4:25pm - whyyyyyyy... I must say I'm not used to this
1/24/15
5:41pm - and yet again....why do I find it so hard to care? One step forward, two steps backward.
2/3/15
4:58pm - eh, moving forward :) why nothing at all and then all at once?
2/5/15
12:32pm - ahhh im allowed to run away
2/9/16
12:16am - Wow <3
2/10/16
7:02pm - does the storybook life emulate self-centeredness or an outward orientation towards community?
2/21/16
10:54pm - HA. screwed up and there's no going back. what some people wouldn't kill. no one even has to know that was ever said ;)
2/25/16
1:32am - I must say that what I saw today partially tore me up on the inside. To hear words that so avidly don't match up....giving up is seriously so pathetic. Honestly. Anyone can give up. And giving up means it didn't matter very much to you in the first place. And if it actually did, man youre stupid. Or just an arrogant hypocritical liar. Either way. And I mean, obviously I know a lot about that. What I wouldn't do to get what I wanted. Clearly life right now is an example of that hahaha
2/27/16
1:16am - wait, but was that what i asked for? :( it's too much, oh it's too much. I'm not sure how to stop it because im not sure what i got myself into. Sometimes Kurt's screaming emulates how I feel on the inside.
2/27/16
1:16am - wait, but was that what i asked for? :( it's too much, oh it's too much. I'm not sure how to stop it because im not sure what i got myself into. Sometimes Kurt's screaming emulates how I feel on the inside.
2/28/16
2:40am - today I wanted to run away. I had fun instead. I will choose to believe no matter how many times I see otherwise. They do exist. But honestly I don't care right now. I respect myself too much to lower to that.
3/1/16
8:29 - this peaceful life seems so much more appealing :)
3/3/16
3:38pm - I saw it in the hospital......DAMN
3/4/16
5:58pm - the eerieness lingers.....i can't even imagine the mentality of a hostage.
3/4/16
11:09pm - and then i heard it in the song....... shoot
12:38am - because i would forgive you if you could only forgive me
12:39am - i didn't mean to get so carried away......
3/10/16
10:20pm - it's fucking unfair.
10:40pm - this kind of injustice is what catalyzes my desire to flee from the system.
11:04pm - i'm disappointed from what i know and what i've been told but what i wouldn't give to talk to you right now.
3/13/16
11:02pm - cause i can hardly see what's in front of me these days........God, my God, Where Have You Been??
3/19/16
11:40am - because i draw butterflies when i'm confused
3/21/16
3:25am - it bothers me that i wanted to be there so bad for you when i heard....for what did the balcony mean? bleh it's too much for me right now i feel so pushed and prodded and expectant of
4/11/16
2:16am - ?????? i guess im not feeling like the sun. what the heck :( im bothered that im bothered by that
4/14/16
9:28am - asdfks dfkajf ksljfksdjaksfdjksjf blahhhhhhh oops :))))
5/5/16
1:17pm - hello friend.... a month strong but i just don't know. only i would love my life and want to run away from it at the same time.
3/1/16
8:29 - this peaceful life seems so much more appealing :)
3/3/16
3:38pm - I saw it in the hospital......DAMN
3/4/16
5:58pm - the eerieness lingers.....i can't even imagine the mentality of a hostage.
3/4/16
11:09pm - and then i heard it in the song....... shoot
12:38am - because i would forgive you if you could only forgive me
12:39am - i didn't mean to get so carried away......
3/10/16
10:20pm - it's fucking unfair.
10:40pm - this kind of injustice is what catalyzes my desire to flee from the system.
11:04pm - i'm disappointed from what i know and what i've been told but what i wouldn't give to talk to you right now.
3/13/16
11:02pm - cause i can hardly see what's in front of me these days........God, my God, Where Have You Been??
3/19/16
11:40am - because i draw butterflies when i'm confused
3/21/16
3:25am - it bothers me that i wanted to be there so bad for you when i heard....for what did the balcony mean? bleh it's too much for me right now i feel so pushed and prodded and expectant of
4/11/16
2:16am - ?????? i guess im not feeling like the sun. what the heck :( im bothered that im bothered by that
4/14/16
9:28am - asdfks dfkajf ksljfksdjaksfdjksjf blahhhhhhh oops :))))
5/5/16
1:17pm - hello friend.... a month strong but i just don't know. only i would love my life and want to run away from it at the same time.
5/6/16
10:23pm - and I will never let anyone else see.
10:24pm - how am I supposed to plan for this summer when I'm so caught up in right now? I can't look forward while here my mind doesn't work like that. Damn getting caught up....but I guess I wouldn't replace it for anything
5/17/16
9:08am - i'm so over being the middle man, the peacemaker....i feel sick. stop being jealous, stop feeling threatened, and stop micromanaging and just live your frikin life!
9:11am - however, best damn listener that i ever did hear of :)
5/17/16
9:08am - i'm so over being the middle man, the peacemaker....i feel sick. stop being jealous, stop feeling threatened, and stop micromanaging and just live your frikin life!
9:11am - however, best damn listener that i ever did hear of :)
5/23/16
9:50am - I think I'm finally ready to let go and leave. Any longer and I'll go crazy in more than one way. It's too good but not at the same time
5/31/16
11:52am - Irresponsibility.
5/31/16
11:52am - Irresponsibility.
7/12/16
12:32am - Hey you! Out there in the cold. Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me. Hey you! Would you help me to carry the stone. Open your heart, I'm coming home. Hey you! Don't tell me there's no hope at all. Together we stand, divided we fall.
:)
7/15/16
12:00am - waveyyyyyyyyy
12:19am - the bird landed on a crooked nest. LOL
12:21am - I'm getting weirder. I can feel it. And I love it. thank you, Maine, you don't judge me ;)
12:23am - how much longer can we complain and debate without actually doing anything to better the world? I hate the hypocrisy.
12:32am - Hey you! Out there in the cold. Getting lonely, getting old, can you feel me. Hey you! Would you help me to carry the stone. Open your heart, I'm coming home. Hey you! Don't tell me there's no hope at all. Together we stand, divided we fall.
:)
7/15/16
12:00am - waveyyyyyyyyy
12:19am - the bird landed on a crooked nest. LOL
12:21am - I'm getting weirder. I can feel it. And I love it. thank you, Maine, you don't judge me ;)
12:23am - how much longer can we complain and debate without actually doing anything to better the world? I hate the hypocrisy.
8/1/16
8:49am - I thought I just saw it in the golden piano on the mountain top....but I then saw it everywhere.
American Pie Roman candles the Bible Drugs
8/5/16
11:16pm - one of my closest friends here left today :( I don't think anyone will understand me like she did. dirtyforever
8/25/16
pushed and prodded what's new
10/16/16
4:04pm -
Today:
Syd Barrett's death
Roger Water's words omg
Remorse
The war (the weight)
Political angst in comparison haha pathetic
Needs confused
I miss you?
8/5/16
11:16pm - one of my closest friends here left today :( I don't think anyone will understand me like she did. dirtyforever
8/25/16
pushed and prodded what's new
10/16/16
4:04pm -
Today:
Syd Barrett's death
Roger Water's words omg
Remorse
The war (the weight)
Political angst in comparison haha pathetic
Needs confused
I miss you?
3/7/21
It’s been over 4 1/2 years. Time to resurrect!
7:39pm - Dog vomit oh my. To be high and never come down. Still, so still
7:52 - the shallowness saddens me deeply. For what is life but human connection and experience?
Monday, February 9, 2015
Cheesy Poem
A mind has the power
to conform a body into a swirl and a dot
the legs become helpless
all hope left for not
To understand
is the desire not to grant
the only way to comprehend
is to accept that you can't
Congratulations Tolle says
for clarity is only found where the answer is not
the definition is limiting
you are much broader than you thought
to conform a body into a swirl and a dot
the legs become helpless
all hope left for not
To understand
is the desire not to grant
the only way to comprehend
is to accept that you can't
Congratulations Tolle says
for clarity is only found where the answer is not
the definition is limiting
you are much broader than you thought
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)